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  • Tanya Patterson

Want the life you want!

Live the life you want!

I was talking to a friend a while ago who wasn't happy with his life but when I told him that he didn't have to feel this way he laughed and said it was too late for him. "He had made his mistakes and choices and, "it is what it is."" He claimed he was stuck and there was no way out so he just continued on day by day and survived.........I wanted to yell at him!! I wanted to list all of the things that could be done to improve his situation. Then he said..."My life just didn't go as I had planned." .........Um does it ever?? I can't even begin to explain the number of times my life didn't go as planned. But you can change it!! Come on people just because your current situation is less than ideal does not mean it defines the rest of your life. You have the power to change the things that aren't making your life the one you want to live! No one else can make this happen. Even if someone hands it to you - which is not so likely - you still have to reach out. He looked at me and shook his head - realizing I was serious. "Not everyone is as brave as you." He said. "Not everyone can just change their life and it all just works out."...........I took that home with me. Actually I spent several days trying to figure out what exactly he had meant. ONE - I am not brave! TWO - I didn't just "up and change one day." It took a long time of figuring out what was going wrong in my life and what needed to be done to change it. Even then it didn't "just work out". Several times I came up with a plan and a thought out list of things to find my good and several times it didn't work.... But It didn't not work either. I had to revise and keep moving forward - eventually I got to where I am now.

You have the power to change the things that aren't making your life the one you want to live.

I planned out my path for a long time before I got to the version everyone else got to see. I went over the things in my life that were causing me unhappiness and made a list of those things and why they were causing me to be unhappy. Now at one point there wasn't much that was working out but I knew I wasn't going to get a complete do-over. So I had to distinguish the difference between the things that were causing the problems and the things that were problems because of the thing causing the problem. I bet that made sense! Let me explain.... So let's say your job is causing you stress. So much stress in fact that you are short tempered at home. You snap at your kids. You complain that your husband doesn't help. You aren't interested in the things you used to be. You start to overeat. You gain weight. You start drinking - first just a glass to help you unwind - then another to cope and before you know it you are up to five each night. You lose it in the car when drivers get in your way, you are impatient in the stores....... This is an extreme example of all the things. You may have only one or two or slightly different problems. In this example the order of the problems are laid out in front of you but what if you don't notice the first one and you blame your spouse or partner for the drinking or the inability to cope at a job you have been working forever? What if you get a divorce and your job continues to ruin any other relationship you have? Or you quit your job and you find out it was the relationship that was the issue? I am only trying to point out that planning is a must. Find out the route of the problem first and start changing the things that need to be changed. Although this wasn't my list - weight gain was on mine. It was not the root of the problem but it was my choice to regain control. I have mentioned this in other posts and I keep going back to it because - it was my first step and - it is also a fairly safe topic. Once I got control over one thing I added another. For me it was as simple as flossing my teeth every day. A simple habit? Maybe. But for me it was a bit closer to controlling my life. I then starting adding bigger things like deleting all the games from my phone. Reading for a half hour each night, learning something new, quitting my job.... eventually I got to the point where I was finally happy and everything around me changed.

"Where I am now is not where I was headed."

I slipped that one in.... I quit my job. It is a biggie so maybe I am brave...or maybe I was just desperate for change and a little fear of what would happen if I didn't was enough motivation to move forward. Moving forward; it was NOT how I had planned it - not even close but I adjusted and keep moving forward.

Moving forward is easier if you are facing that direction.

You owe it to yourself to be happy so get out of your head and start looking at things from a different angle. Stop complaining! Stop using the excuses and start finding a solution! There is very little progress in resolving an issue by talking about the issue. So stop discussing all of the reasons that things can't and won't work out and start talking about the things that will. Moving forward is easier if you are facing that direction. You will never reach a positive place in your life with a negative mind.

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